Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Quoteworthy: Support Your Local Sheriff (1969)

Jason McCullough: Why do these jaspers always have to hit town at meal time?

Prudy: You gonna kill another man?

Jason McCullough: Well, I'm sure we all hope it turns out that way.

Joe Danby: [about his father] He's got a heart as big as the whole outdoors, but he don't have one brain in his poor old head.

Jake: You want me to tell Joe Danby that he's under arrest for murder? What're you gonna do after he kills me?

Jason McCullough: Then I'll arrest him for both murders.

Pa Danby: If that gun had gone off, it'd of blowed right up in my face.

Jason McCullough: Now it wouldn't have done my finger a hell of a lot of good either, would it? What can I do for you, Mr. Danby?

Mayor Ollie Perkins: I guess you know what you're doing, Sheriff.

Jason McCullough: I don't know what I could have said to give you that idea, Mayor.

Jason McCullough: Well, it seems Joe murdered a man this afternoon.

Pa Danby: The way I hear'd it, he killed a man in a fair gunfight.

Jason McCullough: I was standing right there.

Pa Danby: You was standin' right where?

Jason McCullough: In the saloon when Joe killed him.

Pa Danby: Well, now that was real smart of him, weren't it?

Jason McCullough: I've been around Joe all afternoon and I haven't seen him do one smart thing yet.

Tom Danby: Pa, you been touchin' up your hair again?

Pa Danby: Whadda ya mean, AGAIN?

Tom Danby: Nothin'. It just looks better in spots, that's all.

Pa Danby: Whadda ya mean, SPOTS?

Henry Jackson: We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore... or whatever his name really was. I ain't really got a whole lot to say about Millard because he only rode amongst us two days ago, and was promptly struck down by whatever deadly disease it was struck him down. We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was, it wasn't particularly contagious. And with that in mind, I suggest we all bow our heads in devout prayer.

Henry Jackson: I'd like to remind everyone we're here to consign the remains of Millard Frymore.

Fred Johnson: It's gold, Henry.

Fred Johnson: Down there in the grave.

Henry Jackson: Well, let's get this coffin out of the way and have a look.

Jason McCullough: [Fingering dented badge] That must have saved the life of whoever was wearin' it.

Mayor Olly Perkins: Well, it sure would have, if it hadn't been for all them other bullets flyin' in from everywhere.

Mayor: Our last sheriff was a good organizer. Yellow clear through, but a good organizer.

Joe Danby: I hear you're gonna try and arrest me. You know you don't look near as tough as some of them other sheriffs we've had lately. Particularly that old boy that done run off about an hour and a half after he took the job.

Jason McCullough: Joe, you just make me feel tired all over when you talk like that.

Joe Danby: Now, what do you mean by that?

Jason McCullough: It's bad enough to have to kill a man without having to listen to a whole lot of stupid talk from him first.

Jake: Well, I did odd jobs... for one thing, I was a Orr holder at Madame Horse's, uh, horse holder at Madame Orr's House.

Pa Danby: There's always some tramp that's good with a gun that can be hired.

Luke Danby: Yeah, but you always said that the Danbys fight their own battles.

Pa Danby: Well, maybe I was talkin' 'bout another branch of the family.

Jason McCullough: You beat that poor man to the draw. He's dead and you're alive. That's the idea of this game, isn't it? [after Joe shoots the cardplayer in the saloon, he claims it was self-defense]

Jason McCullough: Well, it may have been a lot of things, but self-defense it wasn't. And he didn't draw first - you did.

Joe Danby: What do you mean by that?

Jason McCullough: Oh, it's an old trick. You did it pretty well - not real well - but pretty well. You feinted with your left shoulder, getting him to go for his gun, while you were goin' for yours with your right hand at the same time. It's an old Arizona trick; but I... I have seen it used as far north as Montana.

Joe Danby: Are you callin' me a liar?

Jason McCullough: Well now, you heard every word I said and I didn't call you a liar. All I said was you feinted him into drawin' with your left shoulder while you were goin' for the gun with the right hand.

Joe Danby: So what?

Jason McCullough: You beat that poor man to the draw. He's dead and you're alive - that's the whole idea of the game, isn't it?

Joe Danby: What's your name?

Jason McCullough: Jason McCullough. What's yours?

Joe Danby: Joe Danby. And you had better remember it.

Jason McCullough: Oh, I'll remember it, Joe. That's about all I'm gonna do the rest of my life is go around rememberin' your name.

Jake: How come nobody ever heard of you? I mean, a man that can shoot like you do and draw as fast as you can... how come you ain't got a reputation?

Jason McCullough: What would I want with a reputation? That's a good way to get yourself killed.

Joe Danby: Pa, you always told me there wasn't a jail been built that could hold a Danby.

Pa Danby: Well, now they've built one!

Joe Danby: Aww.

Pa Danby: You'll have to stay here for a couple of days.

Joe Danby: But we run this town.

Pa Danby: I gotta throw in with that sheriff that you don't exactly dazzle nobody with your intelligence.

[after Pa Danby leaves the sheriff's office] Jason McCullough: You know... he strikes me as bein' a lonely man.

Jake: Lonely? Danby? Why he's a mean, no-good, lowdown bushwhacker!

Jason McCullough: Well, there you see? No wonder he's lonely.

Jake: Now the way this story ends... is that they get married and he goes on to become governor of the state. Never gets to Australia, but he keeps readin' a lot of books about it. I get to be sheriff of this town... and then I go on to become one of the most beloved characters in Western folklore.

Jason McCullough: It seems like you spent a lot of time with horses.

Jake: One end or the other. Of course, I come about it natural. My daddy stole horses for a living. They hung him.
Pa Danby: Now I'm gonna take a little trip tomorrow and I want you two to behave yourselves while I'm gone. I don't want nobody to make no martyr out of this here sheriff.

Tom Danby: What's a martyr?

Pa Danby: Oh, I'm sorry. They didn't use words like that in the third grade, did they?

Tom Danby: Well, how would I know? I didn't get that far.

Jason McCullough: Jake, how would you like the job as my deputy?

Jake: I'd hate it! Even if I lived through it, I'd hate it!

Jason McCullough: Gentlemen, do we have a jail here?

Mayor Olly Perkins: Do we have a jail? A brand new one with two cells that the whole community pitched in and built last month!

Fred Johnson: Just like a barn raising.

Henry Jackson: Even the dancehall girls showed up. They made sandwiches and carried on like crazy.

Mayor Olly Perkins: It was designed to be practically escape proof.

Jason McCullough: Well, good, because I think I'm going to have to throw a couple of people in it. Mayor Olly Perkins: There's only one thing. This new jail has sure got everything.

Fred Johnson: Even a new stove with a coffee pot already on it.

Mayor Olly Perkins: The only thing it hasn't got is iron bars for the cells.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: I wanted you to meet my daughter, Sheriff. She's a good cook, a mighty fine looking girl. Takes after her dear, departed mother.

Jason McCullough: Mother died, huh?

Mayor Ollie Perkins: Nope, she just departed.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: She's a rich little old gal in her own name, Sheriff. Sole owner of the Millard Frymore Memorial Mining Company.

Jason McCullough: You meanin' whoever marries her gets the mine.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: Shaft and all!

Jason McCullough: Is this the kind of town you people want for yourselves? Is this the kind of life you want to lead? I mean, three killings in one saloon alone! The sun hasn't even gone down yet. Any more of this foolishness, and I'm gonna close this place up tight.
Bartender: Remember what the sheriff said: no more shootin' till the sun goes down.

Townsman: Is that what he said?

Bartender: That's close enough, brother. Drinks are on the house!

Fred Johnson: I heard that the sheriff was gonna leave town.

Henry Jackson: I did too, And at the time I heard it, I remember saying to myself, "That sheriff has his head set squarely on his shoulders."

Prudy: Well, now he's NOT gonna leave town.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: And I'd like to get my hands on whoever it was that caused him to change his mind.

Henry Jackson: Me too. Man with that good an idea oughta be encouraged to hold on to it. Prudy: What is the matter with all of you? Don't you remember how long we waited to find a man who'd stand up to the Danbys? Don't you remember what this town was like before - murderings, lynchings, miners shooting up the town day and night?

Fred Johnson: And aside from the few things that you just mentioned, it wasn't a bad place at all!
Mayor Olly Perkins: [talking about Prudy] She's had some terrible shocks this year. She got wealthy almost overnight - I think maybe it unhinged her a little bit. Then she was always kind of big for her age and "pooberty" hit her hard - that'll do it you know.

Jason McCullough: I didn't know that.

Mayor Olly Perkins: Well, it will!

Jason McCullough: How's Joe?

Jake: Oh, he figures he's going to be out of here and we're going to be dead about this time tomorrow.

Jason McCullough: Did he seem to feel any sorrow over the fact that we might all be killed?

Jake: No, it's more like he planned to dance and spit all over our graves.

Jason McCullough: Sounds like Joe.
Tonight on TCM!
They Won't Forget (1937) Bigotry flares when a Jewish businessman is accused of killing a small-town girl in the South. Cast: Claude Rains, Gloria Dickson, Edward Norris, Otto Kruger Dir: Mervyn LeRoy

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